Til Death Do We Part - The covenant of marriage

I would love to write about the perfect marriage. It would be awesome to share the secret to a lifetime without a fight, the perfect romance that has never been questioned and the perfect husband and wife who have never said a hurtful thing to one another. But, I can't. I've never been good at writing fiction.

I was reading another blog this morning, at http://www.elainewmiller.blogspot.com/. She talked about holding on to our marriages and the importance of not walking away every time things are rough. It was the passing of Elizabeth Taylor and the rehashing of her octinuptuals that sparked Elaine's poignant post, but as I read it, I was reminded of how important it is to be committed to our marriages as a covenant relationship. Not only with our spouse, but as a covenant with God.

John and I will celebrate 20 years of blissful togetherness this year. Okay, so blissful might not have always been the case...but togetherness none-the-less. Our relationship has had amazing romance, blissful summer afternoons, exhilarating winters, warm autumn sunsets and the beauty of spring. I love looking at the years of our marriage in the same way we look at the calendar. We know there will be storms in every season, but when we are prepared for the storms we aren't destroyed by them. We have experienced drought in the form of apathy. We have seen tornadoes of anger and frustration. Sometimes trouble came in floods and there were days when the cold of winter made it seem as if there was no life to be found. But like the changing seasons of the calendar, if you stand firm long enough, it changes.

God knew marriage would be hard, the Bible tells us in 1 Corinthians chapter seven that those who marry will face many troubles in life. We have God's word to tell us that the storms we go through are normal...and He will be there with us through it all. God hates divorce, and as He revealed it to Paul, there are only two reasons for divorce. One is adultery, the other is abandonment by an unbelieving spouse.

I do believe God forgives those who have divorced and remarried...and that He can and does bless second marriages, even if the divorce did not happen for one of those two reasons. However, that does not mean we should go into the dissolve of marriage with the idea that we will ask forgiveness when we're through. Better that we give our lives and homes completely to the Lord before we are packing boxes and splitting dishes.

As John and I went through some of the most torrential storms in our life together I always kept Ephesians 6:12 in mind. "For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places." (NKJV) In looking at the struggles in marriage as attacks from the enemy of our souls...we can see the truth. If Satan can divide the family, it is much easier for him to destroy the individuals who were part of the family. In our darkest moments, even before John knew the Lord...I realized through God's grace, that the war raging in our home was against Satan, not each other. I began to speak truth during fights, not the truth of who was right or wrong...but the truth that no matter what we were going through, I am and will remain committed to my marriage, to my husband and to the Lord Jesus. A three fold cord is not easily
broken, and nothing the father of lies throws in our direction as he seeks to destroy, is going to pass the shield of faith in place in our home.

John and I took divorce out of our vocabulary. It is never an option in our home. There is always another option even if sometimes we have to weather storms or go through seasons of drought, our marriage will remain. The source of our love is not one another. The source of our joy is not found in our humanity. The love we have for each other could not exist without the Father's love poured out on us. It is His joy that brings a song to our lips and it is in Him that we remain steadfast in our commitment to each other.

The great part is...after the storms...when we are still standing firm...our life together is even brighter than it was before. Blessed and favored by the Most High God, in covenant relationship with one another and our Lord.

My friend John Thurman likes to say his marriage has lasted so many years because they have never quit on the same day. I love it every time I hear it.

***For those who may be experiencing physical abuse...removing yourself from the home for the purpose of being safe is not sinful. However, jumping right into a relationship with someone else is not the way to handle the situation either. I highly suggest seeking biblical counseling, even if the abusive spouse will not attend. A qualified biblical counselor can help you find the godly answers to your individual situation.