Remember when you couldn’t wait to tell your best friend everything. In 7th grade it seemed like there were enough things that happened between the last bell at school to supper time, that an evening phone call to my bff, Marie, was absolutely required. Of course those were the days when my phone calls were limited to 10 minutes and mom set the timer, so by the next morning at school I was ready to burst. Marie knew everything about me. And I knew everything about her. We shared laughter at 2 a.m. when we spent the night at each other’s houses, and sorrow the day Elvis died, (we were ten that year.) In 8th grade, I moved to Arizona from my childhood home in Oxnard California. I cried over leaving Marie, and other friends I might never see again. It all seemed so permanent.
That was thirty years ago and I have learned a lot in those years. Thanks to the advent of things like cell phones, email, facebook, and understanding how to find cheap flights, distances are much shorter than they were for a 13-year-old girl leaving the only city she had ever known.
I also know now that God puts people in our lives at different times to fulfill His purpose in our life. People come into our lives for seasons and when they leave, we keep them on facebook and “like” a status or two now and then. They are still our friends, but don’t remain close and for the most part it works, and sometimes they come back into a more focused role, depending on the turns life takes.
I was talking to my young assistant about adult friendships the other day and explained that you come to a point in your life, where friendships are unique, but that, at least for me, there isn’t a “best friend” relationship anymore. With the exception of maybe a spouse, we just don’t need those kinds of things. I have many good friends, close friends, godly women that I love, but no one I would consider the best of all of them.
Well, this week that has become redefined for me. I have to say that while labels have changed, there is a friend who is the closest to me. She is the one I know I can call no matter what and share with her, and it won’t go anywhere ever. The one I know will pray with me and be my cheerleader, and actually GET me when my life looks crazy to everyone else. She is the one who knows she can call me if something goes wrong and I will be there. She is the one who knows more about me than other friends and who loves me anyway. We laugh, we cry, we pray with and for one another. We can talk about religion and politics without having to agree, (although we usually do). We can go into business ventures together, disagree, discuss and work through issues and neither of us is willing to allow our friendship to be scarred by disagreements. We talk each other off the ledge when we need to and listen silently when we need to.
We both have many wonderful friends who we love dearly. And until this week I would have never even thought to label this amazing friendship God has blessed me with. But indeed I have a best friend for the first time since 8th grade in Oxnard. She means the world to me and I thank God for her friendship, her love and the accountability she adds to my life. She makes me a better me and I hope I do the same for her.
Thursday afternoon as I sat in her living room, wrapping glass votive cups in newspaper and packing them in boxes; watching her sons take the pictures from their walls, movies from their rack and games from shelves; watching her youngest daughter try to make sense of all of their food going into boxes and their toys becoming temporarily unavailable, I realized I was going to say goodbye to the woman who has become my best friend.
I know she has to follow her husband to the land that God has promised him. I am thrilled for her family to have the opportunity He gave them. But my heart is so sad to see her go.
Yesterday afternoon, we spent some unplanned, quality time together. When it was time to leave, to come home and take care of my family, I had a hard time walking away. Saying goodbye to her beautiful children and promising to visit Wyoming the first chance I have, seemed eerily reminiscent of the words exchanged with my friends in Oxnard. As we hugged and said goodbye, I fought tears. We stood in the driveway next to my car listing all of the things that make it so easy to stay in touch, and the cheap flights I can find to Denver, just a couple hours from their new home. Yes, thanks to facebook, skype, email, and free long distance we can talk every day if we want to...but there are, believe it or not, friendships that are deeper than the electronic age.
I drove away with tears in my eyes, I am going to miss my friend like no other. Over the past thirty years saying goodbye to friends, with the obligatory, “Stay safe and keep in touch” has become routine. We live in a transient society and things change. This was the first time saying goodbye to an adult friend made me cry. This also the first time I have truly understood the blessing of a best friend in my adult life. I love you my sister/friend -- and I thank God for giving me the gift of a best friend in Tami Clymer.
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