Yes, There is a Best

Remember when you couldn’t wait to tell your best friend everything. In 7^th grade it seemed like there were enough things that happened between the last bell at school to supper time, that an evening phone call to my bff, Marie, was absolutely required. Of course those were the days when my phone calls were limited to 10 minutes and mom set the timer, so by the next morning at school I was ready to burst. Marie knew everything about me. And I knew everything about her. We shared laughter at 2 a.m. when we spent the night at each other’s houses, and sorrow the day Elvis died, (we were ten that year.) In 8^th grade, I moved to Arizona from my childhood home in Oxnard California. I cried over leaving Marie, and other friends I might never see again. It all seemed so permanent.

That was thirty years ago and I have learned a lot in those years. Thanks to the advent of things like cell phones, email, facebook, and understanding how to find cheap flights, distances are much shorter than they were for a 13-year-old girl leaving the only city she had ever known.

I also know now that God puts people in our lives at different times to fulfill His purpose in our life. People come into our lives for seasons and when they leave, we keep them on facebook and “like” a status or two now and then. They are still our friends, but don’t remain close and for the most part it works, and sometimes they come back into a more focused role, depending on the turns life takes.

I was talking to my young assistant about adult friendships the other day and explained that you come to a point in your life, where friendships are unique, but that, at least for me, there isn’t a “best friend” relationship anymore. With the exception of maybe a spouse, we just don’t need those kinds of things. I have many good friends, close friends, godly women that I love, but no one I would consider the best of all of them.

Well, this week that has become redefined for me. I have to say that while labels have changed, there is a friend who is the closest to me. She is the one I know I can call no matter what and share with her, and it won’t go anywhere ever. The one I know will pray with me and be my cheerleader, and actually GET me when my life looks crazy to everyone else. She is the one who knows she can call me if something goes wrong and I will be there. She is the one who knows more about me than other friends and who loves me anyway. We laugh, we cry, we pray with and for one another. We can talk about religion and politics without having to agree, (although we usually do). We can go into business ventures together, disagree, discuss and work through issues and neither of us is willing to allow our friendship to be scarred by disagreements. We talk each other off the ledge when we need to and listen silently when we need to.

We both have many wonderful friends who we love dearly. And until this week I would have never even thought to label this amazing friendship God has blessed me with. But indeed I have a best friend for the first time since 8^th grade in Oxnard. She means the world to me and I thank God for her friendship, her love and the accountability she adds to my life. She makes me a better me and I hope I do the same for her.

Thursday afternoon as I sat in her living room, wrapping glass votive cups in newspaper and packing them in boxes; watching her sons take the pictures from their walls, movies from their rack and games from shelves; watching her youngest daughter try to make sense of all of their food going into boxes and their toys becoming temporarily unavailable, I realized I was going to say goodbye to the woman who has become my best friend.

 I know she has to follow her husband to the land that God has promised him. I am thrilled for her family to have the opportunity He gave them. But my heart is so sad to see her go.

Yesterday afternoon, we spent some unplanned, quality time together. When it was time to leave, to come home and take care of my family, I had a hard time walking away. Saying goodbye to her beautiful children and promising to visit Wyoming the first chance I have, seemed eerily reminiscent of the words exchanged with my friends in Oxnard. As we hugged and said goodbye, I fought tears. We stood in the driveway next to my car listing all of the things that make it so easy to stay in touch, and the cheap flights I can find to Denver, just a couple hours from their new home. Yes, thanks to facebook, skype, email, and free long distance we can talk every day if we want to...but there are, believe it or not, friendships that are deeper than the electronic age.

I drove away with tears in my eyes, I am going to miss my friend like no other. Over the past thirty years saying goodbye to friends, with the obligatory, “Stay safe and keep in touch” has become routine. We live in a transient society and things change. This was the first time saying goodbye to an adult friend made me cry. This also the first time I have truly understood the blessing of a best friend in my adult life. I love you my sister/friend  -- and I thank God for giving me the gift of a best friend in Tami Clymer.

We Must Let Them Go

My heart broke, when a friendship of almost 30 years ended because my friend thought I had gone overboard with my faith. I considered our friendship unconditional. We always had different views about religion. I didn’t think it was that important. We both believe that Jesus is the way to reach the Father, so as a teenager I didn’t worry about semantics.

As I went through a long journey in the wilderness of rebellion, she was always there for me, although in later years she admitted it was hard to see my self-destructive behavior. She was happy for me when my life changed and I no longer walked those roads of rebellion. She knew I was a Christian. She will readily tell anyone that she is also a Christian. I was so thankful to have her in my life to set a high moral standard.

A couple of years ago, she asked me if something was wrong because I seemed to be talking about God a lot. I didn’t realize I was talking about him any more than I had in the past 15 years. Of course, until she joined facebook, our contact during that time had been a few phone calls each year. Because we live in different states now, we only saw each other a few times in the past decade or so. Our friendship was strong, and no matter how many months between our conversations, they picked up as if no time had passed.

As my facebook friend, she was privy to my life. I share my faith openly, and the things that are most important in my life are things of God.  Sometimes I ask tough spiritual questions to get the viewpoints of my friends. Once in a while I express my opinion about issues, entertainment and current events. That’s what got me into trouble with my friend.

She was already concerned about my level of Biblical study and the references to what God was doing. But when I said that we as Christians should not be entertained by evil, the decline of our friendship began. During the posts on the thread, we came to a point when we agreed to disagree. But I knew that would be difficult. She posted on my wall less, and didn’t always reply when I posted on hers…but I hoped it was because we are both busy.

I still kept up with her and participated in conversations on her wall with mutual friends. I never brought up my faith on her wall, out of respect for her beliefs. Although I pray for her heart to be open to the Lord.

Today, I went to her wall to tell her I hope she has a great day. But I couldn’t. I have been unfriended. Without so much as a word to me, I have been deleted from her life. I’m pretty sure it was the post last week where I said that the Bible says we should live a holy life, no longer slaves to sin… But since she didn’t say anything, I really don’t what caused the complete obliteration of our friendship.

I do know I will always love my friend. I will miss my friend. I will always pray for my friend and I will always be ready for reconciliation with my friend. But now, I have to realize that we were not equally yoked in our friendship. As teenagers it didn’t seem to matter. In our twenties and thirties, as we started our lives and families, our friendship was not as close, so we didn’t notice. But with today’s technology we have the ability to know people like never before. We are not so guarded on social sites like facebook, and while there are people who are completely fraudulent on those pages, I think most of us are more ourselves from the keyboard. We are less cautious about who hears what we have to say. Our friends have more of a chance to know who we really are; sometimes they won’t like it. Sometimes they will choose to end the friendship. But if serving God means that some of my friends will reject me, then I must be following His will for my life. And that trumps any fleshly hurt or worldly disappointment I could experience. It also makes me appreciate the friends He puts in my life that love Jesus and want to serve Him and know Him.

Luke 18: 29 & 30 (ESV) And he said to them, “Truly, I say to you, there is no one who has left house or wife or brothers or parents or children, for the sake of the kingdom of God, who will not receive many times more in this time, and in the age to come - eternal life.”

If that is true about family members, I'm sure it applies to friendships as well.